In this segment, Susan Fitter tells us what to do when faced with oodles of gleaming silverware. My question is, why do you need more than one fork to begin with? When you switch courses, you just lick the fork clean and power on. In this time of global warming, it seems downright irresponsible to be burning through forks like they were going out of style.

In fact, I have an idea to replace all silverware with one piece of cutlery. It’s called the knispork, and it’s a spork with a knife at the other end. I know what you’re thinking. “Matt, won’t you cut your hand while you eat gripping a knife?” No you won’t, because you’ll be wearing a special eating glove, made of kevlar.

You’re welcome, environment.